Nanoseconds to insanity....

I came to a very horrid realization yesterday. Every second that I live, I am less than one second away from complete insanity.

This sad, sordid thought entered my mind as I sat at my desk, in the cube farm my company calls an office, right on the verge of a complete and utter nervous breakdown. I was almost at the point when I could have kicked the cold, hard drawers attached to the padded cell walls surrounding me, or thrown something through my monitor, or just cried.

Why, you may ask, had it come to this? NO REAL REASON. That's the part that makes it horrid. I was simply having a harder than usual day at work, started feeling like I was quite possibly the worst account supervisor to walk the earth, and asking myself why I waste time having a job anyway. We're in a rough spot with one client right now, and I take it completely personally, like it is 100% my fault. It's all based on my attitude, what I think of myself, and how I feel about myself, which unfortunately can turn on a dime. So, that was sign numero uno that I'm on my way to insanity.

Number two- I was watching the show "Intervention" on A&E the other night. Usually the people they intervene are drug addicts, alcoholics, sex addicts, etc. Emily, the girl the other night, was Anorexic. I was horrified by how sick and skinny she looked. She was 5'9" tall and weighed 90 pounds. Then I started thinking to myself, "Why can't I be anorexic? I wish I had enough self control to completely deprive myself of something as completely necessary as food." Then I stopped to think about what I was actually saying to myself.

Number three- I am completely turned off by anything and everything that resembles mainstream society lately. Religion? I cringe. Big house and white picket fence? Gag me. Rock and Republic jeans? Giant waste of money. Working to get ahead? Waste of time. I want to become a hermit at home and spend all day reading, writing, gardening, and other solitary activities so I don't have to put on a happy face and pretend I'm not a constantly miserable person.

See? Insanity. How do you stop insanity? Is there a cure for it? I don't know. In the meantime, I will go on pretending that I am not going crazy.